In a situation when I am unsure of what to do, I create two questions for myself before I react.  Before I take an action, I always ask myself, “How would I want to be treated in the same situation?” and “What good will it do?”

The first question is kind of obvious and a great rule but the second needs explanation.

What good will it do?

Accent on the good.  Here’s the catch. The good must be to others not to myself.  Will my next action help or hurt the other person?   Am I really caring about the other person?

I reiterate it must be focused on the other person.

If I was in a situation where I was being disrespected or insulted, I could say, “well, going berserk will make me feel good,” and erupt.  That’s why the question, “what good will it do”   must be centered on the other person.  Going berserk would only make me feel good but would surely exacerbate the situation with the other person.  When we act this way, we hurt ourselves and hurt others. The last thing I want to do is be out of control of a situation because, as I have expressed before in my blog, I know the power of Cause and Effect. My next behavior can predict the outcome. If I blow up, things would go from bad to worse. If I did not respond negatively, I assuaged and calmed down what could have been a volatile situation. Being insulted or disrespected could be a chance for me to become more intimate with the contentious person. I could ask why he/she was behaving that way? Did I do something in the past that created this animosity? If I did, I could apologize for my past behavior. You get the picture. I don’t want to cause disconnection in my life. There is no win in that.

And if the person is just being a jerk with no cause for the insult, I just shrug it off because I will never allow that kind of person to control me, my circumstances, and my feelings.

I want to control my life and the things that happen to me.  I know that good gets good back and bad gets bad back. No exceptions.